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November 17, 2018.

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Bank robbery

The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly
ordered the few remaining customers, the tellers, clerks, and
guards to disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the
counter.
One nervous blonde pulled off all her clothes and lay down on
the floor facing upwards.
"Turn over, Cindy!" whispered the girl lying beside her... "This
is a stick-up not an office party."

Sent by:nono <October 26, 2008>

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After death

Over dinner a wife asked of her husband, "What would you do if I died, would you get remarried?"
The husband replied, "Definitely not!"
"Why not - don't you like being married?"
"Of course I do."
"The why wouldn't you get remarried?"
"Okay, I'd get married."
The wife replied with a hurtful look on her face, "You would?" At this the husband just groaned. The wife went on, "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
"Where else would we sleep?"
"Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her?"
Husband replies, "Seems like that would be the proper thing to do."
Wife asks, "And you would let her use my clubs?"
The husband replies, "She can't use them, she's left-handed."
After a brief period of silence by the wife, the husband realizes his mistake and say, "Oh shit."

Sent by:Félcédulás <October 26, 2008>

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Position 68

While making love, he says:
- Darling, let's do 68!
- 68??? What's that?
- You do it to me and I'll owe you one.

<October 26, 2008>

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Eye sight test

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

<October 26, 2008>

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Dangerous sport

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?"
"No. I play bridge with my wife."

Sent by:Sanyi <October 26, 2008>

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Liar

I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."

Sent by:nono <October 26, 2008>

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Sick husband

"Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. "I'm very sick, would you please call me a vet?"
"A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?" asked his wife.
The husband replied, "Because I work like a horse, live like a dog, and have to sleep with a cow."

Sent by:nono <October 26, 2008>

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Cheating wife

Morris returns from a long business trip and finds out that his wife has been unfaithful during his time away.
"Who was it?" he yells. "That alta kakker Goldstein?"
"No," replied his wife. "It wasn't Goldstein."
"Was it Feldman, that dirty old man?"
"No, not him."
"Aha! Then it must have been that idiot Rabinovich!"
"No, it wasn't Rabinovich either..."
Morris was now fuming. "What's the matter?" he cried. "None of my friends are good enough for you?"

<October 26, 2008>

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Windshield

Heading down the interstate, our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield.
"I can't get over how loud they are," my wife said.
"Well, we are hitting them at 65 miles an hour," I pointed out.
Her reply left me speechless.
"There's no way bugs can fly that fast!"

<October 26, 2008>

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Fitting room

Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window.
Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.

Sent by:AZ <October 26, 2008>

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