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November 14, 2018.

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Dead donkey

A young city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "Okay then, just unload the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him"?
Kenny said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" the farmer says.
"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." Kenny said.
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey"?
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
"Didn't anyone complain"? the farmer asked.
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

Sent by:nono <October 30, 2008>

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At the bank

It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried-looking man came
up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account?"
Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move.”

Sent by:nono <October 27, 2008>

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Cannibals

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity.
"You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later the cannibal chief remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads. "No." After the boss had left, the chief of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"
A hand rose hesitantly. 'You fool!' the leader raged. 'For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something.............

Sent by:akteon <October 27, 2008>

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Afterlife

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv.
"So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks.
"Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day."
"Oh, my God!" says Sid, "so that's what heaven is like..."
"Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

<October 26, 2008>

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Heaven and Hell

Heaven is a place where the police are English; the chefs are Italian;
the car mechanics are German; the lovers are French and it's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is a place where the police are German; the chefs are English
the car mechanics are French the lovers are Swiss and it's all organized by the Italians.

Sent by:Méjdenboj <October 26, 2008>

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Talented child

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off, "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30." She said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a dip and chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like crap!" Then I would say, "It is crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

<October 26, 2008>

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Question

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of beer.

Sent by:nono <October 26, 2008>

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A date

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she'd been stood up. Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late, and you're still not ready?"

<October 26, 2008>

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Difference

Q:What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

A:The snowballs!

Sent by:Sanyi <October 26, 2008>

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Wallpaper


A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how
many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the
Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job
and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Murphy," he asked, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy
for your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Murphy.
So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job.
It looked wonderful but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.
"Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the
bedroom, but I've got 2 left over."
"Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I."

Sent by:nono <October 26, 2008>

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