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November 17, 2018.

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Funny things

Sex education

The pretty young sex education teacher handed out the final test papers.

Tom got a D, Dick got a D-, Harry got an F.

The three got together after class to complain about their low
grades.

"That bitch!" said Tom "I can't believe she gave me a D"

"We should get even with her" said Dick "Let's grab her after
school"

"Yeah" said Harry "...and kick her in the nuts!"

Sent by:Sanyi <November 18, 2011>

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Four letter words

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together.

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Second place

China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world.
They could become the richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that's not going to happen.

- Jay Leno

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Celebrity

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.


- Fred Allen

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Miracle

The religious cowboy lost his favourite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really" said the cow "Your name is written inside the cover".

Sent by:Sanyi <November 10, 2011>

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Deaf men

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.

One signs to the other, 'boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldnt stop!'

The other Buddy says 'when my wife goes off on me I just dont listen.'

'How do you do that?' Says the other.

'Its easy! I turn off the light!'

Sent by:Sanyi <November 10, 2011>

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Confessions

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three,
"People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems."

The others agreed.Then one said,
"Since we are all professionals, why dont we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.The first then confessed,
"I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said,
"I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with,
"Im involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed,
"I know Im not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I cant keep a secret..."

<November 10, 2011>

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Blind man

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?

A: What for? He cant see my license plate.

<November 10, 2011>

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Lost dog

The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopped beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog.
"You mean the one following your car?" they asked.

<November 10, 2011>

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Suicide

A biker was riding along the road when he saw a girl about to jump off a bridge. So he stopped.

He gets off his bike and says, "Hey, honey, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he also didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, passionate, deep-tongued, lingering, thrilling kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "That was the best kiss I've had in a long time. That's a real talent you are going to waste. You're a hot, passionate, young thing. Why are you committing suicide?"

"Because, my parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

<November 8, 2011>

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