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November 17, 2018.

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Funny things

New car

Renault and Ford are collaborating on a new small car for women which should be far less susceptible to theft. They are mixing the Renault Clio and the Ford Taurus, calling it the Clitaurus. The average male thief won't be able to find it, let alone operate the damn thing!

<November 8, 2011>

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Complain

"This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!"

I apologized for the noise and checked him out. A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was.

"Terrible!" they said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!"

<November 8, 2011>

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Monkeys

A new study shows that monkeys can look at photos and recognize other monkeys they know. However, the study also shows that monkeys are terrible with names.




- Conan O'Brien

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Prisoners

Last week, two escaped prisoners in Argentina got away from police by disguising themselves as sheep. Guards said they should have known something was up, when they saw two sheep walking out of a prison.




- Jimmy Fallon

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Dog watch

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

Sent by:Hilda <November 4, 2011>

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Enemy

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

- Frank Sinatra

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Empty head

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.

- Eric Hoffer

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Husband

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

<October 28, 2011>

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Scud missile

- How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

- Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

<October 28, 2011>

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Great ball

Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!"

Tom replied, "Whats so great about it?"

Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!"

"Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you get that from?"

Bob replied, "I found it."

Sent by:Qvik <October 28, 2011>

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